International Babysitter Extraordinare!

ok so the reason why i am calling myself the Int. Babysitter Extraordinaire, is because my wonderful and generous fiance Stacey agreed to babysit her 2 nieces over the weekend. now generally this wouldnt be any big deal, except that they live almost 5 HOURS AWAY! so we left on thursday and got there late thurs night cause their mom and dad were leaving for a conference, which i later found out was a quickstar/amway conference, had i know this i wouldnt have been happy about going, but too late im already there. now these 2 girls are the cutest and funniest girls you will ever meet and for some reason they know me as Uncle Burbon. i dont know where they got this from because they dont see me drinking burbon or anything like that plus they even know my name is brock but just choose to call me uncle burbon. now the parents left us nearly NO FOOD in the house and they live way way out in BFE. (about 30 miles from gainsville) so we are having to find stuff for the kids to eat not to mention me and stacey, well then guess what?? on saturday we have to pack the girls up to go all the way to Jacksonville airport to pick up their 17 yr old uncle (their moms brother) who is flying in from France. yes thats right the land of cheese and hairy arm pits FRANCE. and this joker didnt speak hardly any english at all but he did say "yes" a whole lot. and i find myself talking to him real slow and loud like he is deaf, i dont know why i do that but i do. so we get him and have to turn around and drive all the way BACK to BFE which it turns out to be about 300 miles round trip with 2 squaling kids and a french guy who has a mild case of B.O. you can imagine at this point how i am handling the situation. finally the kids go to sleep and we get home but now they are all wired up and want to play in their little kiddie pool out in the back yard, fine no pblm go for it i dont care, go run that energy off, well in about 10 min stacey comes in from watching the girls in the pool and says that there is a old lady in the yard who is lost. im thinking well this isnt going to get any better, well it does. the old lady is from new york state and recently moved to BFE, out walking her dog cujo who she assured me was gentle because she just got him from the service, whatever the heck that is. and said she couldnt remember what street she lived on. so stacey (who is still in her bikini) goes next door to get a neighbor because we dont know where she lives cause we dont know where anything is around there. so the neighbor comes out both of them, him with no shirt on and his wife who is about 7 mths pregnant and looks like a tick about to pop, so they are talking to the old woman me and stacey are standing there and trying to get the phone number out of the old woman who is still trying to restrain cujo from killing us all. and for some reason the pregnant neighbor constantly rubs her stomach like she just ate thanksgiving dinner??? im not real sure what that was about but im sure you are getting the mental picture her. so we get information on the phone and they connect us with her husband who shows up in 2 min in a mustang and acts like this is nothing at all, it must happen to the old woman constantly. so we get that crisis taken care of. so the kids come in we clean them up have them eat their Mac and cheese for dinner they sit down to watch the Incredibles and at around 9:30 they get ready to drift off when Frenchy decides he wants to start wrestling with the girls. now i cant understand a word he says and his voice is so high pitched its like there is no testosterone in his body, i mean i cant even make my voice sound remotely like his. well we convince him to stop wrestling calm the girls back down and we FINALLY get the girls to bed. and i spent the next hour watching Hidalgo in french with english subtitles, now let me tell you how manly it is to hear cowboys ripping off a growl and a scowl in french. i finally gave up and went to bed and left frenchy to his own devices. well so sunday comes and we have to leave the girls with frenchy until their mom and dad get back on sunday night from the amway conference, stacey was so worried about the girls, im like he is their uncle they will be ok. i couldnt get out of there quick enough. i was actually looking forward to the 5 hr drive in florida traffic. i have a new respect for child care providers, parents and language translators all around because i know i am not cut out for it. there is a reason i dont have kids yet and me not being able to handle it 24/7 is one major reason! and for those of you wondering, yes the kids were fine, their parents got home and all was well, evidently frenchy did a good job.

the bdt